Archive for the ‘Funny But True’ Category

Hard work pays off!


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1.  Depending on your personality, durability in each may be important.

2.  Permanent ink on either is there forever.

3.  Each is created with either intention or laze.  Hope for a work of art.

4.  Both find satisfaction in the progress of the other.

5.  A sturdy spine of either makes for a good foundation.

6.  Cast not each pearl to swine.  Valuable are both’s insides.

7.  Don’t worry: the cover of either can be mended.

8.  Dog ears aren’t attractive on either.

9.  Tree pulp and blood, though vital, are gross to look at.

10.  No two of either are alike, nor replaceable.

A few more?

A page is like a hangnail: pull the bad ones out only if you must: it can hurt.

An open book is good for a few laughs, but that only lasts so long.

Share as much as you can of both with your children and their children.

An author finds herself interesting; a journal finds itself interesting.

A journal believes it’s author always; an author knows the journal silghtly embellishes.

When thrown into the fire neither both become ashes.

Lyes in a journal device neither the journal nor the author; lying in an author deceives the world.

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I’m soooo hateful of my measuring cups.

Well, I have two sets.  One is by Kitchen Aid, and they’re fine.  The other are black plastic generic ones that my mom gave me from her camping supply that she didn’t need, and they suck.  The black ones tried to trick me into thinking I was crazy.  The black ones are the ones from hell.

I’m a great baker.  I make bread, cookies and any other toasty goody I’m in the mood for.  But for the past few months I’ve been producing crap about half the time: it’s either too dry, too soupy or just not right.  This isn’t like me, so I figured I’ve been going through a rough patch.

This morning I decided to make cookies, and the dough looked totally dry.  Chocolate chip cookie dough isn’t supposed to be dry.  I mean it looks like sand!  I got suspicious, and reasoned that the only way that this sand-crap dough was too dry was from too much dry ingredient.  I used ‘ol trusty Kitchen Aid cups to double check the devil ones, and sure ’nuff: they’re off by 100%!

A big bowl filled with sand-dough.

So the 1/2 cup is really a 1 cup.  Half the time I was adding twice the recipes’ dry ingredients.

I’m glad I figured it out, and feel wonderfully gratified! My baking is still divine!  Though I am feeling unreasonably spiteful at the irresponsible cup manufacturer.  THEIR ONLY JOB IS TO MAKE LITTLE ACCURATE CUPS WITH FLIMSY HANDLES.  They’re fired in my head.

Has this ever (in all of the history of the time of people) happened to anyone else?

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1. For the first I paid two-fifty and got one; for the second I paid two-fifty and got a hundred.

2.  One starts the fire in the fireplace, the other one hogs the place in front of the fire.

3.  Both leave remnants on the floor.

4.  One folds up and fits into my pocket; the other used to fit in my pocket.

5.  While one lays uniformly with its peers, the other goes nuts around them.

6.  Neither do well in water.

7.  A tear in one breaks my concentration.  A tear in the other breaks the bank.

8.  I only trust leaving a sandwich in the presence of one.

9.  Both rip, but only one requires me to leave the room afterwards.

10.  I can’t imagine my life without either.

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When I list my items on my KellyPress.Etsy.com website, I’m always trying to think of clever names.  “Journal” or “Date Book” won’t cut it.  I like to get creative, and sometimes I get really creative.  Here’s some examples, defined:

The Emo Snowman Holiday Cards

Emo, meaning emotional.  He’s a sweet dude.

The Cowgirl Mini Notebook

It’s sweet, its tough and its a little bit country.

The Cheery Critter Greeting Cards

I couldn’t call them The Stinky Critter Greeting Cards, could I?

The Oops Journal

When I glued the notebook in, I did it upside-down accidentally.

The Ollie Notebook

It’s little, it’s fat…just like my parents’ pug, Ollie.

The Bananaflower Recipe Book

If there were such a thing as bananaflowers, they’d look like this!

The Tres Popular Engagement Planner

Because mean people don’t get dates.

The Kelltic Personal Calendar

It looked Irish, so I named it after me!

The Lady’s Secrets Files

I’ll just put my parking tickets and credit card statements in here…

The Grandpa Sock Monkey Journal

Seriously, this dude looks just like my grandfather.  Bless his heart.

The TK Sketch Book

One of the more masculine things I’ve made, named after one of the more masculine people I know: my husband.

And finally, my business logo.

My mother used to tell my sister and I every night, “I love you to the farthest star and back infinity times.”

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